You know, 10 years ago, I didn't think I'd survive the week without you. After a week had passed, I decided I wouldn't last a year. 5 years would be impossible. 10, unimaginable.
But here I am.
10 years ago was a really big day. I saw people cry that I had never saw cry before. It's been 10 years since I thought my world was ending. 10 years since I told you I was going to be "Ms. Wulkan," a teacher like you. 10 years since I rambled to you about being a farmer and every other thing that went through my 10-year old mind. It's been 10 years since we squeezed hands or gave hugs. 10 years since I gave you a kiss goodbye.
Ten years have gone by and I'm really not sure how.
These days I can't remember the sound of your voice or your warm embrace. Most of the time I struggle to remember what you look like without looking at a picture.
But I think about how you always said "wastebasket" instead of garbage. I remember how we'd share breakfast (grapefruit with more sugar than fruit or the blue bowl with Cheerios or Frosted Flakes--it's been 10 years and I still can't eat Frosted Flakes) and watch the birds on the lilac bush, or Wheel of Fortune on that TV on the counter. How you always had Jolly Ranchers and Wrigley's Doublemint and Spearmint gum on the top of the refrigerator. Naps on the couch, games at the table, a variety of cookies in the cookie jar. I remember you sweeping dirt under the rug, but chasing after us with the broom for driving the four-wheelers and go-carts on your sidewalk. I remember wearing a black dress with pink, sparkly butterflies all over it, and a pin to your funeral. I remember my sister jokingly telling me I leave a trail wherever I go. I remember that you were always so gentle, so caring, so full of wisdom. But most importantly, I remember the never-ending love and patience that you had.
My heart broke ten years ago, and sometimes I feel like it's going to break all over again when I think about what you've missed. Oh, the questions I would ask you if you were still here; the advice I would ask for.
Some days it feels like we just lost you last month; others, it feels like you were only a dream it's been so long.
Ten years have gone by and I still don't know how. I'm here, and you're not, but someday we'll be together again.❤
I love you Grandma.
