Cheers to 21🍻

20 taught me a lot. It was filled with many ups and downs--it started out a little rough and ended a little crazy.

20 taught me how to "wing it." 20 taught me to not be so serious. 20 taught me that it's okay to wear your heart on your sleeve and still think "feelings are dumb." It taught me that it's okay to not know what you want or where you are going in life. 20 brought me a new job with a wonderful opportunity...and then realizing it just wasn't the right fit for this time in my life. It taught me that it's okay for someone not to like you. It taught me that maturity is not equal to age. 20 taught me that hanging out in my shell is not nearly as thrilling as stepping outside of it! "Fake it 'till ya make it" is real. 20 brought me new friends, a few tears, lots of adventures, and tons of smiles! It taught me that laughing and letting things roll off your back is way more enjoyable than dwelling on other's negativity. 20 brought me a second college degree that helped me show my drive and passion for agriculture, and reconnect with home. 20 brought me a dozen job offers in a couple of weeks for jobs I had never even considered, and some I had. It brought me another new job, that wiped going back to college {again} off the table for good. 20 taught me that even though I feel "behind" compared to other people in my life, 2 college degrees, debt-free is not "behind;" it's my own track. It taught me life is not a race. 

20 was hard. 20 was frustrating. 20 was humbling. 20 brought me confidence.

20 was a year filled with "God, bless this mess!"  A lot of prayers, a lot of questions, and a lot of unknown.

I am so very eager for what 21 has in store for me, all the while enjoying the present!

Choosing Happiness

I'm a happy person, because I choose it everyday. I have spent way too much time angry and unhappy in my short time on this Earth and I refuse to waste anymore time doing anything but enjoying life. I'm a firm believer that you aren't dressed until you put a smile on your face and that life is so much better laughing. I'm a natural encourager. My friends call me their personal cheerleader.

That being said--I have tough days too.

This morning I woke up feeling defeated. I had a phone call that I ignored and then told the person when I called back that I was "in the shower and didn't get the voicemail until dinner." I also know that if I give in to that feeling of defeat, it will continue for days. If I get out of bed, get dressed, and go outside--no matter how difficult it is to see another living creature--it will get better. I will overcome that feeling. But I have to choose.

So today, I got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, and went outside. While going upstairs to our parts room, I repeatedly reminded myself of all the wonderful things in my life. Everything the Lord has blessed me with--friends, family, farming, kids, and even the not-so-wonderful weather today. I repeated my 21 "I am" statements over and over and over again. Then, our normally "particular" shop cat decided she wanted to play. She made me laugh. Ah--maybe life isn't so bad. I giggled and realized that I had stopped thinking about my tough morning.

Have I been my normally happy-go-lucky, laughing, loving life, B today? No. Not even close. Putting a smile on my face to thank the server at dinner and force a laugh at not-even-close-to-funny jokes at the dealership took so much energy that I was yawning on our way home. BUT. I did it. I got out of bed. I got out of bed and refused to be crushed by the feeling of defeat today. Was today my best day? No. But it surely wasn't my worst either. Tomorrow will be better. Or maybe not. But either way, I'm alive and I'm not going to let some stupid feeling squash me.

2016.

2016 was a year of ups and downs, like every year. It brought new hurdles, like every other year does. I dealt with a lot of heartbreak, firsts without people I loved, and I tried to find my happiness in life again.

I felt my heart break more than once.
I left two "jobs," but really I left nuggets that I loved with all of my heart.
I struggled with making decisions (I hope that improves with time).
I continue to compare my behind-the-scenes with everybody else's highlight reel.

BUT.

I flew on a plane by myself for the first time.
I graduated with my first college degree (debt-free!) and started working towards my second.
I went to a bachelorette party for the first time.
I turned 20. (And had a mini mid-life crisis over it...)
I went to a couple of concerts.
I gave up social media a few times for a mental break.
I learned that facing something that scares you right away, saves a lot of anxiety and stress (something I'm still working on.)
I went on three separate four-wheeling trips with the ones I love.
I completed another year of teaching Sunday School, and started a new one.
I accepted my first "big-girl" (more permanent) job 5 months before I was needed.
I decided to go back to college to finish my second degree and leave said new job for after college.
I became a godmother to the most amazing little peanut.
I realized that I enjoy time on my own--taking drives or silence--and really need it.
I started to become a morning person🙈 (shh don't tell anyone!)
I drove the combine, the truck, the chopper, ripper, and chisel plow all by myself.
I drove a forklift, skidsteer, and payloader.
I voted in a presidential election.
I realized just how important my friends are--I left some behind and found some new ones.
I spent time at the lake, the fair, the races, and Birch Coulee.
I went to the cities countless times to visit my best friend and her girls.
I tried Japanese, coffee, and countless other things for the very first time.
September marked two years without pop.
I enjoy a simple life much more than a busy one.
I find joy in the little things--beeswings, sunsets, fresh cookies.
I took the steps necessary to get a home daycare license.
I became closer by talking with my dad more often.
I wrote about my day, every single day--all 366 of them.
I made more time for friends and family, but definitely not enough.
I realized just how okay I am on my own.
I started my plan to read my bible in a year.

Here's to 2017. Another year that will surely be filled with ups and downs.
A year where I pray that making decisions isn't such a struggle.
A year to graduate college with my second college degree.
A year to spend more time on my faith and with God.
A year to laugh, to cry, to smile, to love.
A year to go on more four-wheeling trips.
            to make more time for family and friends.
            to be spontaneous.
            to do less comparing and more encouraging.

I would say that 2016 was a pretty successful year. It didn't come without tears, but it was definitely an important year.